Wednesday, 20 August 2008


So basically I'm lacing a gem of a legal nature from an incident a few years ago.

I bought a capgun on the way to get some coffee, fired off a few rounds and a woman driving by freaked. Five minutes later I'm on a bus heading downtown with friends and see 3 police cruisers heading against traffic, pulling over the bus. Noone knows what the hell is going on except for myself and the posse.

So I basically had to remain seated while these cops scan the bus and finally find me. "YOU! PUT YOUR HANDS ON THE WINDOW! SLOWLY TAKE OUT THE GUN! KEEP, KEEP YOUR HANDS ON THE WINDOW!!" How the fuck am I suppose to take out the (cap)gun genius? Jesus. I'm pretty sure I was saying "ItsacapgunItsacapgunItsacapgun." I didn't really want to move around too much, cause they were being really serious on some Tom Clancy shit, and I didn't want to get my head blown off.

So 6 hours later, handcuffed, 100 feet underground in the Ottawa Police Station, I'm being cussed out by some Joan Rivers-ass-bitch telling me she would have shot me on sight. Really? Go fuck yourself. I hung up the phone on a lawyer and ignored the BigMac Meal in my cell, cold as hell while I scratched my name into the wall (gangster shit). They beat up the homeless guy next to me for yelling "Fuck Off!" for 4 hours straight. Finally! That dude wouldn't shut the fuck up!

A month later I was able to get my skateboard out of the Evidence Depot way out in God Knows Where, Ottawa, Ontario. I came home from Christmas break with a court subpoena on my door. I also found out I had left my oven on for 2 weeks. Which was ok because the fact that it didn't melt through the floor and burn down my apartment building made me feel better about the subpoena.

So this woman tried to ruin my life because she is a 'sensitive' kook and got cold feet in her wedding, bitch, etc., and to be honest I ended up bullshitting the community service hours. Here is her Victim Statement. I wish I was able to write her an Offender's Statement.

Letter of Insanity

And that was just me going out to get a coffee one morning. Imagine if I actually tried to ruin someone's life?

KRS-ONE - Neva Hadda Gun